Happiness for some people is like that mythical unicorn. It is almost impossible to even fathom it exists. We look for happiness in retail therapy. We look for validation in social media correspondence. We look for pleasure with bad vices. We live vicariously through other people, sometimes our children and sometimes our friends or family. We measure ourselves by comparison to others accomplishments, looks, or material possessions.
Somewhere along the way we have lost sight of who we are. Society has shifted to looking for answers in the form of prescription medications instead of looking from deep within for answers. I have found my own happiness, but it has not been from material things or other people. It is from changing my mindset and the way I live as well as how I react to the world around me. I cannot guarantee your happiness, but I can give you the 5 steps I took to find my inner happiness.
Change how you perceive the world around you.
Find joy in the small things. Be grateful instead of angry, bitter, or sad. When you wake up in the morning and the bed is so comfy, yet you have to get up for work or to take care of the kids or let the dog outside, you have two options.
The first is to wake up angry and disappointed that the alarm clock has announced itself way too early for yet another day of the same old same old. Which will spiral you down the road of one negative thought to another until your whole day has become an unpleasant cycle of continual negativity.
The second is to instead wake up grateful for a new day, for the comfy sheets and bed you sleep in, for having a job, or having a car to get to your job, or for your health or the health of others, or for having food on the table, or to have the love and happiness a pet brings into our lives. Learning gratefulness is not easy. Especially when you’ve spent years going the other direction.
The problem with being a Nelly Negative, is that other people don’t enjoy being around you. If every interaction you have with a friend is depressing, you find yourself not wanting to be around that person. Soon, every interaction with that person becomes a chore! However, someone who radiates joy, is like a magnet. Afterall, we want that in our lives, don’t we? We can and should surround ourselves with positivity. What we put out into the world definitely impacts us in the grand scheme of things. Negativity breeds negativity.
It’s the little things in life that we should focus on. Instead of being upset over another day of rain, think of how glad you are that the gardens have rain to thrive. When it is sunny, be glad for the warmth of the sun and vitamin D. If it is cccold outside and snow is in the forecast, bundle up and be glad you have the opportunity to wear that new beanie you have been waiting forever to wear. (Ladies, who is with me on that one?!) If you spill your coffee all over yourself on the way to work, be glad you didn’t scald yourself and that coffee even exists so you can have that caffeinated cup of happiness daily. Can I get an amen? There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.
Celebrate others’ joys.
This is a hard one for most people. Sometimes we find ourselves being jealous or petty about our friend or family member’s new job, new car, new love interest, new shoes, new watch, or even their new interest in health or fitness. Why do we go this route? If someone is in our lives, whether friend or family, why wouldn’t we celebrate their successes?
If we choose to be bitter, then we are welcoming the dark shadow of negativity into our lives. Lifting others up and being glad when they have joy in their lives will not only improve your relationships, it will also increase your own personal happiness. Don’t let comparison steal your sunshine.
Be happy when your friend Jennifer goes to Hawaii for a dream vacation. Revel in her happiness and enjoy the photos she took of the island. When Kristin buys a new luxury car, be happy for her that she has heated seats and a steering wheel warmer, because you remember your friend is cold so much of the time. When Tommy gets a promotion, be happy for him because you know he has another kid on the way and he really needs it.
Stop being so judgemental.
Winning at life doesn’t mean critiquing others to make yourself feel better. We make ourselves unhappy by doing so and bring down others as well. Unfortunately, it is in our human nature to be judgemental. We see others who don’t speak like us, or dress like us, or go to church like us…and we JUDGE them to be LESS than us. But, who made us judge and jury? Judging others without taking into account their backstory or reasons for why they do or say something is faulty logic.
We’re all guilty of being judgemental. However, we can take steps to change this. The first step is in becoming cognizant of what you do and say throughout the day. Ask yourself what is your motivation for judging someone negatively. Do you have enough information to make this assumption? Does it even matter if you like what someone else is wearing? Did you think to consider that the mom yelling at her preschooler in the checkout line may be having a really hard day?
Once you become aware of yourself committing this behavior throughout your day, make a mental note to find a positive thought instead. For example, you may think to yourself that the girl’s fuzzy socks and ugg boots look ridiculous with those leggings. And, isn’t she too old or too big to wear leggings any ol’ way? (GASP! What a mean thought.) Instead of thinking ugly thoughts about her, make an effort to be glad she is comfortable and can rock her own style confidently no matter what her size.
Being mean hurts you from the inside out. Being kind doesn’t cost you anything, but it could mean everything to someone. Be kind and improve your outlook on life.
Stop trying to change people.
This was a hard one for me at first. I use to always try to change my friends or family. The problem is that it will never bring happiness. People cannot make other people change. Your spouse was who he or she was when you married him or her. Your friends have not morphed into a new person. We have to learn to love our people as they are. They are in our lives because we chose them.
Did you hear me? We Chose Them. Why try to change who they are now? Instead, embrace their quirks. Love their idiosyncrasies. Laugh with them, not at them. Learn to enjoy the things they do that use to drive you crazy. It is all about perspective. Feeling annoyance at someone else’s behavior only impacts you in a negative way. Their actions are definitely not annoying them or they wouldn’t be doing it.
Here is the hard part! You can only change YOURSELF. You can change how you react. You can change how you feel. You can change how you speak. Start to love others MORE. When we put others feelings above our own, we benefit greatly. The more positive reinforcements we give, the greater the feedback. Smile more. Give compliments. Laugh at the jokes. Embrace the quirks. Don’t overreact. Be kind. What you will immediately notice, when you do these things, is that people are happier around you. Everyday is a chance to be better.
Become a healthier you.
Ask yourself whether you are as healthy as you can be. Are you doing everything you can to have optimal physical health? If not, then why not? Seriously, it is time to make the effort. If you always wanted to run a marathon, then start with a mile and work your way up. Perhaps you always wanted to wear a bikini, but don’t feel you have the body for it. Well, it is time to hit the gym. If you are afraid and don’t have a clue where to begin, ask for help. Find a trainer or watch youtube videos on form and technique. Google is on your side when it comes to exercises and variations.
Do you eat enough fruits and veggies? Is your diet full of sugar, sodium, fat, and processed foods? Start by adding in healthier options. Take baby steps if you need to. Begin by slowly cutting out packaged foods and eating more colorful fruits and veggies. Change from full fat milk to unsweetened almond milk. Limit your red meats. Switch from white potatoes to sweet potatoes, which have lots of heart healthy fiber. When you eat healthy, your body feels so amazing. Nothing feels as good as healthy does.
We cannot forget about the mental part of health. If you are lonely or your circle is not big enough, seek more friends. The biggest problem for adults is finding lasting friendships. It’s so easy for kids in Kindergarten to make friends, isn’t it?
Take action. Join a church group. Join a new gym. Start going to classes at the Y. Volunteer your time. You cannot make friends if you don’t put yourself out there. Evaluate whether you are too judgemental or if your expectations are too high for people. Relationships matter. Do more. Be more. Love more.
Always remember that everyday is a chance to be better. Cheers to seeking the sunny side of life! I wish you nothing but greatness. Love, Laugh, and Live Happy!
Changing Lives Every Day,
~Dawn
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