While out watering my gardens, I noticed this tiny little bird in my butterfly bush. It would cry out, but would not budge. I could see the mama mockingbird flying from the bird feeder to the corner of the roof eave where the nest was nestled. Perhaps the baby bird had fallen out or mama gave it an encouraging nudge. Either way, it was obviously time for this little bird to leave the nest.
The little bird was terrified. As I watered all my flowers surrounding the butterfly bush, mama bird stalked me in flight and let me know via her angry bird song that she was not happy. This little bird stayed put the entire time I watered my gardens.
Poor mama bird was in such great distress. It reminds me of the life of all of us parents with high schoolers or new college kiddos. Mama bird has to teach the little baby to fly. To be brave enough to trust its wings. But then she needs to be able to let go. I am struggling with this very thing. My twins are seniors this year, and I’m baffled on how we got to this point so quickly. Where did the time go?
When they were growing up, each year seemed easier. You twin mamas know what I am talking about… Life had to be structured or this mama didn’t have time to eat or sleep or even go to the restroom for a potty break. Potty training for two was no joke!
As they near the age to truly leave the nest, our hearts begin to hurt at the aspect of losing our babies. The little guy who would grin at you after the perfect slide onto 3rd base now has a steady girlfriend and a part time job. The sweet little girl who would allow you to put humongous bows in her hair is now too busy with friends and cheer. These two beautiful kids are almost grown, and it hurts. What I wouldn’t give to have any of those precious moments back.
To have just a few more minutes…
Instead of falling into a sad pit of lost mama despair, I have put together a game plan and reminder for myself and all of you impending empty nesters like me.
1 – Time to Let Go Mama
It is so easy for me to say it. However, it’s the action here that matters. When the twins were little, I made sure to always be there. I joined the PTA board and became PTA Prez to stay involved in their lives. Some may have called me a helicopter mom, but to me it was important to be involved. Looking back, I am so glad I was able to share all those little elementary moments with them.
One of my dearest friends reminded me a while back, that the twins aren’t preemies anymore. I had forgotten that was my literal excuse to her when the twins were little for everything. I would tell her, “but they are just preemies.” Now these preemies have outgrown their little halfsie asian mama.
Teens want and NEED independence. It sucks. It really does. However, I had to put on my big girl pants and toughen up buttercup. For kids to thrive, we cannot fix their problems or fight their battles. They have to learn to do those things for themselves, or you may find yourself with a 31 year old living in your basement failing to launch. That is no bueno. So be okay with letting go. Let them make decisions, let them make mistakes, and allow them to learn and thrive on their own.
2- Fall in Love with Your Life
If you don’t already, start falling in love with YOUR life. Don’t base who you are on your job, or your marriage, or your kids. You are an amazing and exceptional person with your own thoughts and opinions and knowledge.
This is my favorite life lesson. I have been through a lot in my 41 years. I have lost both parents to cancer. I went through a very rough divorce. I moved from the only home my kids have ever known in the city to the middle of what some believe to be nowhere, Tennessee. I left a job that I loved and had great passion for.
Some people would be angry or bitter with all the hard knocks of life. Instead, I have embraced the changes. I have realized that all of my life lessons have made me a better and stronger person.
In the midst of those storms, I never doubted my strengths or abilities. I worked out regularly and continued growing my mind by always learning and leaving room for growth.
Not only did I fall in love with who I was becoming, I also fell in love and married the Texan. I found the most peaceful place to call home at the farmhouse. I surrounded myself with all things flowers, gardens, and baby farm animals to brighten my days.
Those things couldn’t have happened for me if I hadn’t made myself just as important to me as I had always made everyone else.
Loving who you are is so important. If you don’t like or love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
If you struggle with self love, check out my blog 5 Ways to Find the Sunny Side of Life.
3 – Surround Yourself with a Good Support Network
Friends and family are so important during this time. One of my favorite sayings is, surround yourself with greatness.
If you surround yourself with selfish toxic people, you will drown in their negativity. This is a tricky topic and I can see a future blog post with this focus. For now, just say no to toxic people in your life.
Instead, choose to spend time with people who lift you up and bring out the sunny side of you.
If you don’t have a good support network, then get outside of your comfort zone. Join a church family, attend community events, join a gym, walk at the park, or volunteer your time. There are so many wonderful people out there for you to connect with.
Kindergarten was so EASY to make friends. All you had to do was ask someone to play with you. As we get older, it becomes more difficult.
If you struggle with finding and creating your circle, make it a goal for you to start branching out. People cannot friend you if you stay hidden in your shell.
4 – Be Grateful
A lot of times, we get lost in the day to day ho hum of our lives that we lose focus of what is important. Relationships matter.
Be grateful for what you have. Instead of wanting more, focus on being appreciative for what you already have. It is amazing how changing your mindset and attitude makes such a positive impact in your life.
Show your appreciation to your family and friends. Phone calls mean so much more than a quick text. Quality time is one of the best gifts we can give our inner circle. Reach out if you haven’t heard from them in a while. Meet for coffee and a quick catch up sesh. Everyone feels better and you will be winning at game of life.
Tell your loved ones how you feel. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. The only thing we can know for certain is that we will one day die. I know, it sounds morbid. However, the point is that we have so little time here on earth, so make good use of it by loving and appreciating your loved ones.
Hug them, kiss them, call them, give them compliments, and lift them up. Your relationships matter.
Also, don’t forget to say thank you. Somewhere along the way many people have become entitled and forget to be grateful. No one is responsible for your well being and happiness except for YOU. Own your life. Own your problems. If you are unhappy make changes. Then Be Grateful Along The Way.
5 – Be Creative
Now is the time to embrace your creativity. Your kids are about to begin their new adult lives. They are full of creative ideas and hopes and dreams. You should be too! With more free time on your hands, it is the perfect timing for you to let those creative juices flow.
If you always wanted to learn to play an instrument, now is the time. YouTube is a great resource for learning the basics before you invest in lessons. If you always wanted to learn another language, don’t procrastinate. Now is the time to plan your travels. Life is an adventure. Just because the kids are grown up, doesn’t mean your life is over. Wipe your tears mama, and celebrate their independence and yours too!
6 – Be Active
It is in my nature (and profession) to yell this from the rooftops. Be Active. Every little movement burns calories. Exercise is not only good for the heart and tummy line, it’s good for the mind. Lifting weights brings a euphoric feeling as well as a sense of accomplishment. Starting the workout is always hard, but the feeling afterwards is beyond rewarding. Working out just feels good!
Did you know that when you perform resistance training that you burn extra calories for days?! That’s right, I said DAYS! Burning calories after a good leg day beyond just the workout is awesome news! Weight training is winning at the fat loss game.
Cardio is valuable also. It is so important for heart health. However, cardio only burns calories while you are in the movement. Not so much afterwards. If you have bad joints or a bad back, start off with light cardio. Walk around the neighborhood or park. Your body will thank you.
What’s even better is HIIT. High intensity interval training is when you perform varying degrees of speed and intensity. For example you may sprint for 30 seconds, and walk for a minute. Repeating the pattern. This HIIT will burns more calories than a steady eddy pace. It is such an efficient way to perform cardio. Who doesn’t want a quicker cardio sesh?!
Which exercise should you do? All 3 of course!
Weight lifting should be performed 3-5 times a week. Cardio or HIIT daily. It doesn’t always have to be a gym workout either. Hiking is a great way to get the heart rate up and the blood flowing. A lovely walk in the park with your significant other is good for the body while giving you some good bonding time.
Go on an early morning walk to watch the sunrise. Take the stairs when you have the opportunity. Ride your bike to work. Get up and move around if you are seated at your desk for prolonged periods of time. Gardening is also a great outdoor activity. Remember every movement burns calories. Just. Get. Moving.
When we are busy bogged down by being perfect parents for so long, sometimes we let ourselves go. The excuse of being too busy to take care of your health is about to go out the window. No more carpooling. No more weekend games. No more soccer practice. Now is the time to start loving yourself by getting your body in better shape. Lift weights, your bones will thank you. Eat right, your tummy line will be happier. Do cardio, your heart will rejoice.
There are so many ways to be active and begin your path to a healthier happier you.
Essential Oil Roller Bottle Recipe
As a lover of all things natural and all things essential oils, I have included a great roller ball bottle recipe that I am using during this transition time.
This is one of my favorite blends that help me feel calm, cool, and ready for whatever the day brings. Who doesn’t want to be calm and cool?!
Be Calm, Be Cool
- Lavender 7 drops
- Ylang Ylang 6 drops
- Frankincense 7 drops
- Empty Clean 10ml Roller Bottle
- Carrier Oil: Grapeseed Oil or Fractionated Coconut Oil or whichever carrier oil you prefer
Frankincense is known as the king of oils and is my favorite for all the good feelings. Lavender is known for being the calming oil. You see it a lot in sleep and bath products. Ylang ylang is calming and supplies you with a bright outlook. *
Combine the essential oils into the roller bottle and top off with a carrier oil of your choice. I use grapeseed oil or fractionated coconut oil for my family. Cap the roller bottle and gently combine the oils. For more great roller bottle recipe blends, check out my Roller Ball Essential Oil Recipes blog. As always, if you don’t have an essential oil lady, I would love to be yours! Call or message me to learn more.
Cheers to you, moms and dads. You have succeeded in raising your kids. Now it’s time to trust in the foundations you have given them. Whatever you have taught them, they will no doubt revert back to those life lessons in the future.
As for you, start by letting go. Learn to fall back in love with who you are and surround yourself with positivity. Be grateful along the way while you reconnect with your creative side. Last but not least, begin this next chapter of your life with a healthier more active you!
Changing Lives Every Day,
~Dawn
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